Hello, Roslyn Saunders here. Codependency and addiction recovery coach,
The Victim Mentality: A Codependent’s Common Trap
Today, we’re unpacking a particularly sticky aspect of codependency: the victim mentality. It’s one of the most used and common patterns I see, and understanding it is key to breaking free.
We’ve talked about how codependency involves putting others first, often to your own detriment. But what happens when that sacrifice doesn’t yield the desired results? That’s where the victim mentality often takes hold.
The Push-Pull Dynamic
One of the tell-tale signs of codependency is the push-pull dynamic. Codependents often push continually, driving the relationship for their own ends until they feel they are not getting what they need. Then, they pull or distance themselves, hoping the other person will follow. This is a manipulative dance, often unconscious, driven by a deep-seated fear of abandonment and a need for control.
When the other person doesn’t respond as expected, the codependent can easily slip into a victim mindset. They might think:
- “I’ve done everything for them, and they still don’t appreciate me.”
- “They’re always taking advantage of me.”
- “I’m always the one who gets hurt.”
This victim mentality isn’t just about feeling sorry for yourself; it’s a way to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings. It’s a way to justify staying in unhealthy relationships and perpetuating the cycle of codependency.
Symptoms of the Victim Mentality in Codependents:
- Blame-Shifting: Constantly blaming others for their problems, refusing to acknowledge their own role.
- Helplessness: Feeling powerless and trapped, believing they have no control over their circumstances.
- Exaggeration: Exaggerating their suffering and minimising their strengths, seeking sympathy and validation.
- Boundary Issues: Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, leading to being taken advantage of.
- Resentment: Holding onto resentment and bitterness, fueling the victim narrative.
- Push-Pull Behaviour: That cycle of pushing for connection, and pulling away when feeling unfulfilled.
- Seeking Validation: A constant need for others to acknowledge their perceived suffering.
Reclaiming Your Power
The good news is, you can break free from this cycle. It starts with recognising these patterns and understanding their roots. It’s about shifting from a place of victimhood to a place of empowerment.
Here’s how:
- Self-Awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Are you constantly blaming others? Do you feel helpless?
- Boundary Setting: Learn to set healthy boundaries and assert your needs.
- Responsibility: Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.
- Self-Compassion: Practice self-compassion and forgive yourself for past mistakes.
- Seek Support: Reach out for help, I specialise in codependency recovery.
If you’re ready to break free from the victim mentality and reclaim your power, I’m here to help. Take my codependency quiz, and let’s schedule a free discovery call.
Warm Regards
Roslyn Saunders
