Hi everyone, Roslyn here. As a codependency recovery coach, I often hear this question. The simple answer is no, it’s not bad to put yourself first. In fact, it’s essential for a healthy relationship. Let’s delve into why.
Many of us, especially those with codependent tendencies, have been taught that putting others first is the key to a successful relationship. We’re told to be selfless, to prioritise our partner’s needs above our own. While caring for your partner is important, constantly putting them first can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self.
Think of it like this: you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving without replenishing your own needs, you’ll eventually have nothing left to offer. Prioritising your own well-being – physically, emotionally, and mentally – is crucial for maintaining a healthy sense of self and, ultimately, a healthy relationship.
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean being selfish or neglecting your partner’s needs entirely. It means recognising that your needs are equally valid. It means setting boundaries, saying “no” when you need to, and making time for activities that nourish you. It means knowing your worth and not settling for less than you deserve.
This can be a challenging concept for those struggling with codependency. Codependency often involves a pattern of putting others’ needs before your own to the point of neglecting your own well-being. It can stem from a deep-seated need for approval and validation, often rooted in childhood experiences.
If you recognise yourself in this description, it’s essential to seek support. Codependency is a learned behaviour that can be unlearned. With the right tools and support, you can learn to prioritise your own needs without guilt or shame.
Learning to put yourself first is an act of self-love and self-respect. It’s about recognising that you are worthy of love and happiness, just as your partner is. When you prioritise your well-being, you’ll have more energy, compassion, and love to offer your partner, creating a more balanced and fulfilling relationship for both of you.
Warm regards,
Roslyn Saunders Codependency and Addiction Coach Specialist
