Best tips for how to manage Christmas with family: What you can do to survive?
How to manage Christmas with family. As the end of year approaches, people often ask me how to manage Christmas with family. They want to know if there’s a way to get prepared for Christmas and other holidays. The way I suggest they approach is unlikely to be how they’ve done it in the past.
The lead up to Christmas can start early and it can make us feel anxious and fearful. I know it affected me this way. From around September, I started to worry about how I would get through it. In fact, for many years I hated Christmas time and holidays. Just the thought of it or hearing a Christmas carol would paralyse me. That meant it was not the enjoyable time that the marketing would have us believe. I reached a point where I realised that if I was to manage or enjoy Christmas, I would need to think about and do things differently.
If you can relate, here are my best tips for how to manage family at Christmas.
Tip #1 – Avoid numbing out and have a plan
Instead of numbing out on alcohol, food, drugs, anxiety, or not being able to get out of bed, I’m going to share some ideas for managing in a healthier way.
It doesn’t involve getting a big shopping list together.
Or slaving in a kitchen.
Or stressing days before a family get together.
Or spending thousands of dollars on your credit card.
It does, however, involve extreme self care. The things that can cause stress and anxiety at Christmas are often related to family, expenses, and obligations, many of which have been set up for years.
How do you practice extreme self care at what can be a very, very difficult time, particularly when most people around you are caught up in the craziness?
Work with a coach or mentor to develop a plan around how to manage at this time of year. The plan may consider emotional, financial, physical, and mental aspects, so that you can feel safe and more confident to manage.
Tip #2 – Avoid slippery emotional situations
First, let’s talk about family social events at Christmas and obligations.
The number one thing here is to avoid going into any emotional slippery situations. What I mean by that is being very mindful about the people, places and things that cause you to feel anxious, overwhelmed, awful or upset.
The way around this is to make a decision about whether you choose to put yourself in that particular environment or not. If you do choose to go, you may decide to attend for only half an hour, or an amount of time you feel you can manage. It’s your responsibility to yourself to do this (and this is not being selfish). When you look after you, it’s better for everyone else.
Then, look at the scaffolding you need to have in place while at the event and afterwards.
Tip #3 – Value yourself enough to make the space to prepare
You can do that by answering the following three questions.
Question 1 – Is it emotionally safe for me to go?
This means asking yourself “How will I feel if I go along to this event?” NOT “What do I think?”. Remember, you can choose not to go. Although it might feel wobbly or scary to say no, it’s better than making yourself sick at this time. In fact, I’d encourage you to work this through with a person who is skilled in this area.
Question 2 – Is my scaffolding in place?
This means having a safe place or person to go to afterwards for a debrief and to get yourself back on track should you need it. Having this resource available helps to manage the process, and gives you relief. It also means you’re not carrying it around and affecting other areas of your life.
Question 3 – What’s my strategy for managing while I’m with my family?
This means having the number of a safe person on speed dial for emergencies, setting a time limit for how long you’ll stay, taking your own car or transport, having responses ready for difficult questions, and an exit plan that you are confident implementing.
At any event, I am now very comfortable saying, “Thank you very much, I’ve had a lovely time. I’m leaving now.” And then I actually leave with no guilt and shame.
Your strategy for how to manage family at Christmas also involves emotionally loading before the event by ensuring you are well fed, sticking with your breathing, meditation and exercise practice, and playing some nice music, for example.
It is possible to manage around your family at Christmas and holidays, and in time, you may even find you start to enjoy it.
Roslyn Saunders is a codependency recovery coach with a mission to lead a global movement to raise awareness around the root cause of all addiction: codependency. Roslyn can be contacted directly on +61 439 339 166 for one-to-one coaching to address codependency in all areas of life. Roslyn discusses this and other related topics in her book Recover from Codependency, which is available on Amazon. Other free resources are available here to provide support and scaffolding for people who struggle at these times.
If you’re struggling with ho to manage Christmas with family, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
Recovery Coach. BOOK A FREE Recovery Coach COACHING CALL TODAY…..Immediate help available.
Roslyn Saunders can help you achieve your goals and make a real difference in your life. Book a free coaching call with Roslyn Saunders today.
