Hi I am Roslyn Saunders, Codependency Coach and Addiction Specialist. Today’s topic is High-Functioning Codependency: The Hidden Struggle of the “Strong” Ones.
We often picture codependency as someone clinging to a dysfunctional relationship, unable to function independently. But what if I told you there’s a form of codependency that hides in plain sight, affecting those we least expect – the high achievers, the responsible ones, the people who seem to “have it all together”? This is high-functioning codependency, and it’s more common than you might think.
As a codependency coach, I’ve worked with countless individuals who excel in their careers, maintain a vibrant social life, and appear incredibly self-sufficient. Yet, beneath the surface, they struggle with deep-rooted patterns of people-pleasing, over-giving, and neglecting their own needs to prioritise others. They are the caregivers, the fixers, the ones who always go the extra mile, often at their own expense.
So, how do you recognise high-functioning codependency?
Here are some key signs:
Overachieving: You strive for perfection in all areas of your life, often driven by a need for external validation.
People-pleasing: You prioritise others’ needs and feelings above your own, even if it means sacrificing your own well-being.
Difficulty saying “no”: You fear disappointing others or being perceived as selfish, so you agree to things you don’t have the time or energy for.
Caretaking: You feel responsible for others’ emotions and problems, often taking on their burdens as your own.
Control issues: You may try to control situations and people around you to avoid feeling anxious or vulnerable.
Perfectionism: You set impossibly high standards for yourself and others, leading to constant self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
Difficulty with intimacy:
While you may have many relationships, you struggle to truly open up and be vulnerable with others.
The Hidden Costs of High-Functioning Codependency
While high-functioning codependents may appear successful on the outside, the constant pressure to meet everyone else’s needs takes a toll.
They often experience:
Burnout: The relentless pursuit of perfection and caretaking leads to exhaustion and emotional depletion.
Anxiety and depression: The fear of disapproval and the pressure to maintain a facade can contribute to anxiety and depression.
Resentment: Despite their giving nature, high-functioning codependents may harbor resentment towards those they feel they’ve sacrificed for.
Relationship problems: Their need to control and fix others can create imbalances and conflict in their relationships.
Physical health issues: Chronic stress and neglecting their own needs can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, and weakened immunity.
Breaking Free: The Path to Recovery
The good news is that high-functioning codependency is not a life sentence. With awareness and commitment, you can break free from these patterns and create a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Here are some starting points:
Acknowledge the problem: The first step is recognising that you have a problem and that it’s okay to seek help.
Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” to requests that drain your energy or compromise your well-being.
Prioritise self-care: Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Challenge your inner critic: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion and acceptance.
Seek support: Connect with myself go to RoslynSaunders.com.au and I can coach and guide you through the recovery process.
Remember, you are not alone. Many people struggle with high-functioning codependency. By taking the courageous step to address these patterns, you can reclaim your life and build healthier, more balanced relationships. Visit my website today RoslynSaunders.com.au and book a free discovery call.
