What I mean by this is that sometimes we get very caught up—actually, lots of times we get caught up—with our codependency when it comes to family. I’m not saying to cut your family off, but sometimes the behaviours of the people in our family or their control mechanisms or the way they are behaving require us to pull back and create some space and distance without feeling guilt and shame.
People often think, “Oh, it’s family, I need to do this,” or “We should all stick together because we’re family.” That’s all well and good, and I understand that. However, it doesn’t fit when it’s affecting our mental and emotional health. If people in your family are affecting your mental and emotional health, you need to get the support to deal with it for your own sake. We are not looking to try and change anybody else, but we are taking responsibility and saying, “This is affecting my stress levels, this is affecting me emotionally, and it’s affecting me because I’m not sleeping at night as I’m worrying about someone in the family or what someone in the family might think.”
This is where you get support to help give yourself some distance—a healthy distance—from it so that you can manage yourself around the situation. To recap, blood is not thicker than your emotional or mental health. If it’s affecting your emotional and mental health, it’s up to you to make changes in your life. We know we can’t ask anybody else to change, and we’re not doing that. No one else has to change, but we have to value ourselves and get support if needed. I actually think we need someone else to work it out and then start making the adjustments that you can emotionally manage without guilt and shame. I promise you it works. You will have a better vantage point or a better perception of what’s going on, and then you can address it in a healthier way—healthy for yourself. Thank you.
