Hi everyone, Roslyn here.
Balancing a relationship with your own self-love and self-care can feel like a tricky act. It’s a dance between connection and independence, between giving and receiving. As a codependency recovery coach, I see many people struggle with this, often leaning too far in one direction or the other. So, how do you find that healthy balance?
Firstly, understand that self-love and self-care are not selfish acts. They are essential for your well-being and, ultimately, for the health of your relationship. You can’t truly love another if you don’t love yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritising your needs allows you to show up more fully and authentically in your relationship.
Open communication with your partner is key. Talk about your needs for alone time, for activities that nourish you, and for space to pursue your own interests. Explain why these things are important to you, not as demands, but as expressions of your commitment to your own well-being.
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial. This might mean saying “no” to things you don’t have the energy for, or carving out specific times for yourself, even if it means your partner has to do something on their own during that time. Boundaries are not walls; they are gentle markers that help protect your time, energy, and emotional space.
Schedule self-care activities just like you would any other important appointment. This could be anything from a relaxing bath to a walk in nature, reading a book, or spending time with friends. Treat these appointments as non-negotiable, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Remember that self-care is not one-size-fits-all. What works for one person might not work for another. Experiment with different activities until you find what truly nourishes you. It’s also important to remember that self-care is not always about grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s the small things – a quiet moment with a cup of tea, a few deep breaths, or a kind word to yourself – that make the biggest difference.
It’s also important to be mindful of your inner dialogue. Are you constantly criticising yourself? Do you prioritise your partner’s needs to the detriment of your own? Challenge those negative thoughts and replace them with self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.
If you find yourself constantly putting your partner’s needs before your own to the point of neglecting yourself, it may be helpful to explore the possibility of codependency. Codependency is a pattern of behaviour where you derive your sense of worth from pleasing others. It can be a difficult cycle to break, but with the right support, it is possible.
I offer a free codependency quiz on my website, followed by a free 15-minute discovery call to discuss your results and how I can help you on your journey to recovery. Remember, prioritising self-love and self-care is not selfish; it’s an act of self-preservation and a crucial ingredient for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
If you’d like to explore this further, I offer a codependency quiz on my website. After completing the free codependency and addiction quiz, you can book a free discovery call to discuss your results and see if my coaching services could be beneficial for you. I work with clients via zoom or phone across Australia, including major cities like Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, and everywhere in between. Don’t hesitate to reach out – your journey to emotional well-being starts here.
Warm regards,
Roslyn Saunders Codependency and Addiction Coach Specialist
