Hi I am Roslyn Saunders, Codependency Coach and Addiction Coach.
In my years of guiding individuals through codependency recovery, one of the most common questions I encounter is, “How do I know if it’s truly love or just attachment?” It’s a question that resonates deeply, especially for those who’ve struggled with codependent patterns in relationships.
From my own experiences with addiction in my family and my journey to overcome codependency, I’ve learned that disentangling love from attachment is crucial for building healthy, fulfilling connections.
Understanding the Difference
While love and attachment can feel intertwined, they stem from different places within us.
Love is characterised by:
- Mutual respect and support: You value each other’s individuality and encourage each other’s growth.
- Healthy boundaries: You can express your needs and wants openly and honestly.
- Freedom and autonomy: You feel secure in the relationship while maintaining your own sense of self.
- Unconditional acceptance: You appreciate each other’s flaws and imperfections.
- Shared joy and growth: You celebrate each other’s successes and support each other through challenges.
Attachment, on the other hand, often involves:
- Fear of abandonment: You cling to the relationship out of fear of being alone.
- Need for validation: You rely on your partner for your sense of self-worth.
- Control issues: You may try to control your partner’s behaviour out of insecurity.
- Enabling unhealthy behaviours: You may prioritise your partner’s needs above your own, even at your own expense.
- Emotional dependency: You feel anxious or incomplete without your partner.
Recognising the Signs
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help distinguish between love and attachment:
- Can I be myself in this relationship, or do I feel pressure to conform?
- Do I feel secure and supported, or anxious and insecure?
- Do I respect my partner’s boundaries, and do they respect mine?
- Can I pursue my own interests and goals, or do I feel stifled?
- Do I feel truly happy and fulfilled, or am I constantly seeking validation?
Finding Your Way to Healthy Love
If you recognise patterns of attachment in your relationship, it’s important to remember that change is possible. Here are some steps you can take:
- Focus on self-love: Cultivate a strong sense of self-worth and independence.
- Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say “no” and prioritise your own needs.
- Seek support: Consider therapy or coaching to address underlying codependency issues.
- Communicate openly: Talk to your partner about your feelings and needs.
- Practise self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Remember, true love is built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and healthy boundaries. By understanding the difference between love and attachment, you can create relationships that are truly fulfilling and empowering.
If you’re ready to break free from codependent patterns and cultivate healthy relationships, I’m here to support you. Contact me today to learn more about my codependency coaching services.
Roslyn Saunders Codependency Coach and Addiction Specialist
