You might be asking ” Why I am Codependent in Relationships” Hi I am Roslyn Saunders, Codependency Coach.
Codependency. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, why do some of us find ourselves repeatedly drawn into codependent relationships?
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve experienced the hallmarks of codependency: an overwhelming need to please others, difficulty setting boundaries, putting your partner’s needs before your own, and feeling responsible for their emotions. You might feel anxious or lost when not in a relationship, and your self-worth might be tied to how much you’re needed.
But why? Why do we fall into these patterns? Here are some common underlying reasons:
1. Childhood Experiences: Our early relationships often lay the groundwork for how we connect with others as adults. If you grew up in a household where your needs were neglected, where you had to take care of a parent’s emotional needs, or where you were constantly walking on eggshells, you might have learned to prioritise others’ needs to feel safe and loved.
2. Low Self-Esteem: When we don’t value ourselves, we seek validation externally. Codependent individuals often try to earn love and approval by being overly accommodating and helpful, even at their own expense.3. Fear of Abandonment: Past experiences of loss or rejection can create a deep-seated fear of being alone. This fear can drive codependent behaviours as we try to keep our partners close by constantly pleasing them and avoiding conflict.
4. Difficulty Identifying and Expressing Needs: Many codependent people struggle to identify their own needs and feelings, let alone communicate them effectively. This can lead to resentment and feeling unfulfilled in relationships.
5. Unresolved Trauma: Past trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can significantly impact our ability to form healthy relationships. Trauma can lead to a distorted sense of self and a tendency to seek out relationships that replicate familiar patterns, even if those patterns are unhealthy.
Breaking the Cycle
Recognising your codependent tendencies is the first step towards healing. It’s important to remember that codependency is a learned behaviour, and with awareness and effort, you can change these patterns.
Here are some strategies to start your journey towards healthier relationships:
- Seek professional help: As a therapist specialising in codependency, I can provide guidance and support as you explore the root causes of your behaviours and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
- Build self-awareness: Start paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour in relationships. Journaling, mindfulness practices, and therapy can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
- Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” and prioritise your own needs. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s crucial for building healthy relationships.
- Develop self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Challenge negative self-talk and focus on your strengths.
- Connect with others: Build a supportive network of friends and family who can offer encouragement and understanding.
Recovery from codependency is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and commitment, but it’s possible to create fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect and healthy boundaries.
Roslyn Saunders Codependency Coach and Addiction Specialist
Reach out to me for a free discovery call.
