Ever feel like you’re stuck in a relationship that just sucks the life out of you? Wondering how to leave a toxic codependent relationship? Feel like you’re constantly giving and giving, but getting nothing back? That’s the sneaky thing about codependency – it tricks you into thinking you’re being loving and supportive, when really, it’s slowly eroding your sense of self.
I’ve been there. In my early twenties, I was stuck in a relationship where I felt like I was always walking on eggshells. I was constantly trying to please my partner, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs and desires. It took me years to realise that this wasn’t normal, that I deserved so much more. And that’s why I became a codependency recovery coach – to help others break free from these soul-crushing relationships.
Now, I know it’s not always easy to spot the signs. Codependency can be a real chameleon, blending in with what we think is “normal” relationship stuff. But here are a few red flags to watch out for:
- Constantly second-guessing yourself: Do you find yourself constantly worrying about what your partner will think or say? Do you feel like you can’t be yourself around them?
- Losing your own identity: Remember that time you used to love painting, or playing footy, or catching up with your mates? Have those things fallen by the wayside since you’ve been in this relationship?
- Becoming an enabler: Let’s be honest, are you always making excuses for your partner’s behaviour, even when you know deep down it’s not okay?
- Feeling emotionally drained: Do you feel like you’re constantly on an emotional rollercoaster? Anxious, stressed, and just plain exhausted?
If any of this rings a bell, it might be time to take a good hard look at your relationship. And trust me, I know how scary that can be. But taking that first step is the most courageous thing you can do.
So, where do you start? Well, here’s the thing…
1. Own it: First things first, you need to admit to yourself that the relationship isn’t healthy. This can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s the foundation for everything else.
2. Find your tribe: Reach out to those people who truly have your back – your friends, family, maybe even a therapist. Having a support system can make all the difference in the world.
3. Draw the line: Start setting boundaries. Learn to say “no” to things that drain you or make you feel uncomfortable. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier, I promise.
4. Rediscover yourself: Remember those things you used to love? It’s time to dust them off and start enjoying them again. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential.
5. Get some expert help: Sometimes, it helps to have a professional in your corner. A therapist who understands codependency can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate this tricky terrain.
6. Stay safe: If things are unsafe at home, please reach out for help. There are organisations and hotlines that can provide you with a safe exit strategy.
Leaving a toxic codependent relationship is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, courage, and a whole lot of self-compassion. But I want you to know that it’s absolutely possible. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and free to be yourself.
And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, please reach out. I’m here to help you find your way back to yourself.
