Hi, I’m Roslyn Saunders, a codependency recovery coach with a mission to lead a global movement to raise awareness around the root cause of all addiction: codependency. I want you to know there’s a way to get through, get prepared for Christmas, and other holidays, and it’s not how you may have done it in the past.
The lead-up to Christmas can start early and make us feel anxious and fearful. I know it affected me this way; from around September, I started to worry about how I would get through it. In fact, for many years, I hated Christmas; just the thought of it or hearing a Christmas carol would paralyse me. But through my own experience, I learned it doesn’t need to be this way.
Instead of numbing out on alcohol, food, drugs, and anxiety or not being able to get out of bed, I’m going to share with you some ideas on managing these holidays in a much healthier way. Now, it doesn’t involve getting a big shopping list together. It doesn’t mean slaving over a kitchen or stressing days before a family get-together or spending thousands of dollars on your credit card.
What it does involve is extreme self-care. How do we practice extreme self-care at what can be a very difficult time, particularly when most people around you are caught up in the craziness? The things that can cause stress and anxiety at Christmas are often related to family expenses and obligations, many of which have been set up for years and years. I’m going to touch on those elephants in the room.
First, let’s talk about family social events at Christmas and obligations. The number one thing here is to avoid going into any emotionally slippery situations. What I mean by that is being very mindful around people, places, and things that cause you to feel anxious and overwhelmed, awful or upset. The way around this is to make a decision about whether you choose to put yourself in that environment or not. If you do choose to go, you may decide to attend for only half an hour or an amount of time that you feel you can manage.
Then look at the scaffolding you need to have in place. You can do that by answering the following three questions. One, is it emotionally safe for me to go? This means asking yourself how will I feel if I go along to this event, not what do I think. Remember, you can choose not to go, although it might feel a bit wobbly or scary to say no; it’s better than making yourself sicker at this time. In fact, I’d encourage you to work through this with a person who is very skilled in this area.
The second question is, have I got my scaffolding in place? This means having a safe person to go to afterwards to debrief and to get yourself back on track should you need it. Having this resource available helps to manage the process and gives you relief. It also means you’re not carrying it around affecting other areas of your life.
And the third question, what’s my strategy for managing while I’m there? This means having the number of a safe person on speed-dial for emergencies, setting a time limit for how long you’ll stay, taking your own time, having responses ready for difficult questions, and an exit plan. I’m now very comfortable saying, “Thank you very much; I’ve had a lovely time. I’m leaving now,” and then I actually leave.
Your strategy also involves emotionally loading before the event, ensuring you are well-fed, sticking with your breathing meditation exercise practice, playing some soft beautiful music. Please go on to Amazon and buy this book “Emotional Sobriety.” I wrote “Emotional Sobriety” for myself to help get through difficult times. I promise you this will help.
Other practical things you can do to help manage your emotions around these times are connect with me on Facebook. My Facebook page is Rosalyn Saunders, Addiction Recovery Coach. I post valuable information there most days. You can also reach me through my website, roslynsaunders.com. And you can watch the videos I share on my YouTube channel, Roslyn Saunders. I discuss skills and strategies to manage codependency. All these resources are free and designed to provide support and scaffolding for people who struggle around these times.
Keep in mind I also provide a one-off paid emotional hotline where I take calls if you need someone to speak to and stop you from spiraling lower. Thank you for watching and valuing your emotional sobriety.
